Bindi Girl * Erin Reese

I did it. I really did it.

I’ve pulled the plug... Something I’ve seriously contemplated for a year.

I’ve written articles about it for this blog, but never posted them – full diatribes, full rants about it:

The energy-sucking, corrupting, brain-draining, tentacle-strangling waste of time that is addictive and is, in my opinion, changing the face of REAL-ationship in the 21^st Century.

I’ve deleted Facebook from my life.

The reasons go on and on – why I’ve deleted Facebook (Fakebook, Facehook, Crackbook, Spacebook).

Let me try to relay a few of them here:

1. Increased Time Staring at 'The Box'

Since I work primarily from Internet cafes and don’t have Internet in the house, I am perhaps much more aware of how much time I actually spend online then if I had a 24/7 hookup as I pay by the hour.

I’ve noticed that my time online over the past year – since my Facebook ‘addiction’ began, has increased dramatically. I have spent perhaps 30-40% more time on the Internet than B.F. (“Before Facebook”).

This costs me money, time away from real life, time away from nature, and increased ‘frozen shoulder’ or carpal pain for no gain.

2. Who ARE these people peering in on my life, anyway?

I’ve seriously evaluated whether or not FB increased my quality of life. Was I really making deeper connections with community?

I hated having to evaluate whether someone was my ‘friend’ when the “Friend Requests” rolled in from people I knew in High School. Did I really want to open that can of worms again, let those people sit in on my life?

I hated the idea of making judgment calls: should I let him in? Do I want her to see my life? Was that person a friend to me when I was 12, and do I want that person to be energetically-connected to me now? …and still, the number of Friends continued to rise, maxing out at 250+.

That’s a lot of potential voyeurs.

3. Distraction from Truly-Fulfilling Self-Expression and Goals

I noticed (and perhaps you have, too) that my writing reduced dramatically since my involvement with FB increased. There’s only so much time one can spend on a computer – if you’re a highly sensitive person to electromagnetic frequencies and prefer to use your eyesight reading books or watching birds. Thus, all that time I was surfing FB, or posting bits and bobs, clips and quotes (albeit fun!), I was not working on my creative craft, I was not applying myself to my book project, and I was not reading yummy literature… and I was most certainly not meditating or watching birds.

4. The Thought Police Exist

The privacy factor is another issue. Beyond the obvious (your identity details, location, etc.) – the very people in one’s neighborhood can become the thought police, even if they don’t intend to. For example, I had told an acquaintance in person that I was going to be unavailable to have visitors at my house for three days, as I was going on retreat – meditating, and yoga, and fasting – so I needed to be alone. On the fourth day, as promised, I dropped by this woman’s house to let her know I was joining the living again, and that I was more up for visitors. She responded insensitively, “You weren’t on retreat. I saw you on Facebook, you know.” When I explained that I’d had some business to take care of and had logged on briefly, she lashed out, “That’s not a retreat.”

Good God. We are being watched.

5. Social Entrapment

If someone starts to make you uncomfortable because their posting on your Wall is insensitive or upsets your privacy, and if you Remove them from your List of Friends – you can even be sure there will be a big backlash. Perhaps you’ve come across this one yourself: “YOU DELETED ME FROM YOUR FACEBOOK????”

To which I say: “And what grade are we in?”

Have you heard the one where you’re sitting with a person who’s requested you to be a Friend, but you’re not sure if you want that person in your life… so you don’t Accept their Request quite yet – you want to see how it goes. This recently happened to me: I’m sitting with a woman I’ve known for – oh, maybe two weeks of my life – having a chai in a café in the village.

“So, why won’t you add me to your Facebook?” she asked me.

“Well, I’ve learned to take it slow before I consider someone a ‘Friend,’ I replied.

“What do you have to hide anyway? Why won’t you add me?” the woman dug in.

I was totally dumbfounded. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation,” I said. “Our society has become completely bizarre.” Even though it was a dirty local Indian roadside eatery in the middle of relative nowhere, I began looking around for Allen Funt’s Candid Camera to pop out of the wings.

6. A Granfalloon without a Ground

Two months ago, I finally read the far-out, fantastic novel, Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut. (I recommend reading Cat’s Cradle if you need a quick literature infusion with some really important undertones about our modern society. Amazing Vonnegut anticipated so much of what’s on our plate in the 21^st Century…)

If you’ve read it, you’ll recall the special philosophical language of “Bokononism” in the book – many made-up, seemingly nonsense words that actually carry a tremendous amount of meaning. One of the words is GRANFALLOON, and I was so happy to come across this word.

A granfalloon, in the fictional religion of Bokononism (created by Kurt Vonnegut in his 1963 novel Cat's Cradle), is defined as a "false karass." That is, it is a group of people who outwardly choose or claim to have a shared identity or purpose, but whose mutual association is actually meaningless.

Facebook is a big GRANFALLOON. It’s a large group of individuals who only seem to have a connection, but there is really no center, no real common ground. Everyone in the granfalloon has the false front that there’s a deeper soul bond, but it’s just a cover. In a general sense: nations are granfalloons, a megacorporation may be a granfalloon, your high school alma mater is very likely a granfalloon, and a political party is probably a granfalloon.

Now, don’t get me wrong: within a large granfalloon, real connections or subcommunities may exist, but the illusion firmly set in place is that the larger umbrella is a big, bonded union of people who have a shared purpose and who really connect on a heart level.

To me, that sounds like a waste of time at best – and loneliness at its worst.

7. The Self-Image Factor Rears Its Ugly Head

I’ve come to realize the painful truth that what most bloggers (admittedly, myself often included) and Facebookers post on the Internet is what we think others want to see.

It’s a SELF-IMAGE.

How many times have I wanted to post what I was really feeling, but felt paralyzed to do so? I’d probably love seeing more of this on the Status Update: “I AM IN TOTAL PAIN, MY LIFE IS FALLING APART, AND I AM HAVING A REALLY HORRIBLE DAY, MAN!”

You know – the truth.

It ain’t all hearts and flowers and quotes from the Dalai Lama.

For me, it actually became more painful to stuff what I really wanted to say or share out of ‘social courtesy,’ or my own cultural conditioning.

Is it truly healthy to always have to smile, to put on a good front?

The dark side awaits, the repression lurks, waiting to rear its ugly head when we least expect it, and in a way we cannot deny our darker feelings any more. Might it not be healthier to put some of this on the line, too? I am, in fact, risking and trying this myself by posting this here essay.

Facebook can be like this:

My self-image is talking to your self-image,

and we think we’re having a real connection.

Where’s the connection?

It’s probably offline.